Neon Genesis Evangelion Clone and Clonability
by Greenfang
Summary: A Humour story about what would happen to the Dummy Plug System if it was exposed to Misato's cooking. I know you've all wondered about that! I certainly have! : A bit of fun with some mystery attached. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**Neon Genesis Evangelion – Clone and Clonability **

By Greenfang

Evangelion is owned by Gainax. I make no claims as to ownership of the characters, plotlines or T-shirts. If they not like, I take down. Okay? Okay. :-)

I guess that this story is supposed to be Humorous, with a little drama as well. With some poor writing and character development thrown in at no extra cost! Yay!

Anyways... please enjoy

**Chapter 1**

-----------------------------

Rei opened her eyes. She was waist deep in a sea of LCL under a crimson sky. Standing on the shoreline facing her was a blue haired, red eyed girl. A girl that was an exact duplicate of herself, right down to the white plug suit and neural connectors in her hair.

"Who are you?" Rei asked the apparition.

"I am you" The girl replied.

"And you are me?" Rei asked confused

"As you are me."

"And we are all together." The two Reis sang in unison.

The Rei on the shoreline morphed into a large black walrus and loped off into the distance.

Rei furrowed her brow slightly and tilted her head to one side in a way that most of the fanboys agreed was so kawaii.

Pen-Pen floated past, paddling a large cornflake across the sea of LCL.

"Waaark!" He opined, waving his tambourine for added emphasis.

Rei felt that she was in no position to deny that this was indeed some really weird shit.

"Rei."

A distant but familiar voice cut through her thoughts. The crimson sky, LCL Sea and its cranky penguin shimmered and faded into blackness. Again she opened her eyes. Before her, tinted an unhealthy yellow through the LCL in the tube she was floating in, stood the Commander. By his side was doctor Akagi, looking at her with undisguised distaste.

"Let's eat."

"I must apologise Commander." Rei replied. "I have already been invited to dine at Major Katsuragi's apartment for dinner this evening. I hope that you will understand."

"Of course Rei." Gendo replied. "After all, it has always been a part of my evil, self serving but ultimately doomed mysterious plan to have you get closer to my whiny and annoying son."

Rei nodded and continued to float impassively. Not many people can pull off being impassive while floating nude in a tank of alien blood, but Rei was not like many people.

"Dr Akagi," Gendo said turning to the blond scientist in the white lab coat, "I shall have dinner with you tonight instead."

Ritsuko smiled. 'Arrogant prick' she thought to herself. Not that she held too many illusions as to the place in the Commanders personal pecking order she held; it was still galling to a woman of her intelligence and ability to be a distant second to a genetically engineered doll.

Still though, she did feel some twinges of guilt for dropping that LSD into Rei's floatation tank this morning. But it was all in the name of science, she told herself. Not that the Commander had any idea about her 'experiments' on Rei of course. This was just as well as she doubted he would have approved, or let her continue to keep breathing for that matter. Just the day before she had tipped eight cans of Red Bull into the tank. Surprisingly Rei hadn't acted particularly differently, but the girl had emitted a slight, almost inaudible buzzing noise for several hours afterwards.

'Still all is fair in love and Eva' chimed in her mind. That would teach Gendo to treat her love so callously.

Damn but that man looked fine in a leopard skin thong though.

"I'm sorry Commander," Ritsuko said with a slight mocking smile. "I'll have to take a raincheck on that. You see, I've also been invited to the Katsuragi's home for dinner this evening. Maybe some other time?"

'Ha ha' she thought sourly. 'Burn!' As she pondered what she would put in Rei's tank tomorrow.

"I see." Gendo said huffily. "Well I'm sure that the Sub-Commander is free this evening. I shall dine with him."

Ritsuko stifled a laugh. Little did the Commander know that tonight was Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki's famous Bi-annual 'Porn and Prawn' night with the bridge-crew. Old Kozou would be pissed as hell.

------------------------------

Shinji Ikari had had himself a busy day alright. First he lay on his bed listening to his SDAT player. Then he had ogled Asuka in the shower. Shortly after that he had been called a Hentai and slapped upside his head. Then had run away. Come back. Grown a spine and kissed Asuka. Been called a Hentai and slapped upside his head. Blushed. Run away again. Been brought back to NERV by Section 2 goons. Defied his father. Screwed up his face and repeated "I mustn't run away, I mustn't run away!" Tripped and fallen on top of an inexplicably naked Rei. Run away for a third time. Come back when no one had noticed that he was gone. Been subjected to an exhaustive and humiliating probing session by a bored Ritsuko. Been hit on by an inebriated Misato. Gone on some kind of weird existential train trip having cryptic conversations with a younger version of himself and, strangely, Pen-pen. Then he had lain back on his bed listening to his SDAT player.

Just an average 'Day in the Life' of 'Fanfic Shinji' (as opposed to Anime Shinji or Manga Shinji) He rolled over, the light catching his features in just the right 'bishonen' way. Outside his bedroom, in the apartments' kitchen, he could hear Asuka and Misato talking.

"So, is Kaji coming tonight?" Asuka was saying.

"No," Misato replied with a certain amount of venom."Mr Wonderful has a 'Conference' with Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki this evening. He won't be able to make it."

"Sheiss!" Asuka said pouting. "He's always busy! How can I make him forget about his work and concentrate on developing completely normal and entirely appropriate relationship with me, a precocious fourteen year old under the guardianship of his ex girlfriend?"

'Beer' thought Misato. 'Need Beer' She grunted at Asuka in a non-committal way as she staggered to the fridge.

"Hey Shinji!" Asuka called out. "Get that lazy butt of yours out here and get some dinner ready! The guests will be here in an hour!"

"Leave him be," Misato said."He'll be in there listening to his SDAT player. Lying on the bed and brooding on the unfairness of the World, the meaning of life and why nice girls won't talk to him."

"Why he insists on listening to that antiquated piece of junk I'll never understand! It gets stuck on the last two tracks; you haven't been able to buy new tapes for it since just after the Second Impact. Mp3 players are cheap and have been around for nearly twenty years now! AND" She said, raising her voice even higher." most importantly, he needs to get his good for nothing self out here and make some dinner! We've got guests on their way for crying out loud!"

"Leave him be Asuka." Misato said placatingly."Shinji's not making dinner tonight. I am."

"N... n... Nani?" Asuka said so shocked that she momentarily forgot this wasn't the subtitled version.

"That's right, I'm cooking tonight. Katsuragi's famous Secret Ingredient Soup!"

"Let me guess," Asuka said dryly. "There is no Secret Ingredient?"

"I'll never tell, it's an old family secret! Now get out of the kitchen I've got to start the soup."

"Mi...Misato..." Said Asuka desperately. "Why don't we get take out tonight? My treat! Wouldn't that be nice? I... um... I don't want you wearing yourself out in the kitchen after all. You need to save your energy for our guests."

"Nonsense Asuka! I'll be fine." Misato replied with an unhinged smile." It's very sweet of you to think of me like this, but it's really no trouble at all. I'll do all the work, you just close your eyes and think of Hakone! I guarantee this soup will take your breath away!"

"Yeah, permanently." Asuka muttered to herself as she finally retreated to the lounge.

Shinji covered his ears with his pillow and tried not to think about his roommates continuing their conversation naked. This wasn't as easy as it sounds. The boy was fourteen after all.

----------

**Later That Evening...**

Gendo pressed the doorbell once, firmly, and waited.

And waited.

And waited..

And waited...

He checked the address again. Apartment 0002, 2nd story, Second Street. The address was right. This was definitely it. Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki's apartment.

Finally the door slid open. Gendo was unprepared for the dishevelled creature that stood in front of him. A slightly built woman in her mid 20's wearing a pair of fishnet stockings, crimson bustier and pink feather boa, with plastic devils horns on her head and holding a shrimp cocktail in her left hand.

She looked Gendo up and down.

"Oh, hey Shigeru, the shtripper's here!" She slurred loudly back down the entryway.

"Cool!" Came the reply from an unseen voice."Send 'em in!"

"Come on in Honey, don't be shy!" The woman said leering at him.

"Lieutenant Ibuki." Gendo said."It's me, your Commander. What is the reason for this unseemly behaviour?"

"Ooh... Kinky!" Maya said with a somewhat lopsided drunken grin."This should be good! Who'd've thought old Fuyutku... Funutski... Tsufutski..... The Shrub-Commander had it in him?"

"I am not a 'stripper' lieutenant. As you so inelegantly put it. I am Commander Ikari and I Demand to see..... Arrgh "He was cut off as Maya wrapped the feather boa around his neck and dragged him through the door.

The sound of drunken cheers echoed through the apartment complex before being cut off by the apartment's front door sliding shut.

----------

Shinji's okonomiyaki yelped and tried to slither off his plate as he cut into it.

'Hmm... 'He thought. 'That probably shouldn't happen.'

He looked around the dinner table to see if any of the other guests were having similar issues.

Certainly Misato seemed to be having no trouble. The purple haired woman was munching away blissfully on a section of the savoury pancake while the rest of it wriggled vainly trapped on the end of her chopsticks. The others, however, were not faring so well.

Ritsuko was slowly managing to drive hers back from the edge of the table with an impromptu flamethrower fashioned from her cigarette lighter and a can of body-spray from her purse. The offending entree hissed and growled at her menacingly, but was unable to get close enough to land a killer blow.

Asuka, on the other hand, was fighting a losing battle with her appetiser, which had her pinned on the dining room floor and was trying to suffocate her by covering her face a la' the face-hugger from the Alien movies.

A much muffled "Verdammt Shweinhund! Sterben arschloch!" Could just be heard over her struggles.

Rei Ayanami appeared to be in a staring contest with her own first course. The blue haired girl and the fried item on her plate in a battle of wits and control for the future of the entire evening. Or so it appeared from the outside. Internally Rei was locked in an existential dialogue with the okonomiyaki, as each questioned the other on the nature of existence, what it meant to be human/foodstuff and whether this train journey of the mind stopped at Shibuse or not.

Meanwhile, Asuka's muffled cries were becoming weaker and weaker and the flame from Ritsuko's spray was beginning to fail. Shinji sighed to himself; he guessed it was once again up to him to save the day. He went to get up but immediately felt a sharp pain in his chest. Looking down he gasped as he realised his own savoury pancake had grabbed a Spork from the centre of the table and now had it firmly thrust against his sternum. He raised his hands in surrender and the injured okonomiyaki gestured threateningly with the Spork in a way that suggested that he should lie face down on the floor and not make any sudden moves.

Misato sighed happily and pushed her empty plate away from her.

"Delicious!" She said happily and beamed at her guests.

Suddenly there was loud explosion from the kitchen. The apartment's lights dimmed for a second and car alarms could be heard going off up and down the street outside the apartment complex.

"At last!" Misato cried."Soup's ready!" As she bustled off to the kitchen.

With Misato gone Rei acted with lightning speed. The two okonomiyaki threatening Shinji and Ritsuko were skewered neatly with flying chopsticks, each of them collapsing with a tiny high pitched scream. She then grabbed the Spork out of the dying grasp of Shinji's attacker and pinned her own entree to the table before stabbing it through the heart with a toothpick. Finally she grabbed one of Misato's cans of Yebisu, cracked the top effortlessly with only one hand and poured the contents over the last remaining okonomiyaki, the one trying to suffocate Asuka on the floor. The okonomiyaki fizzled and bubbled. Steam rose from it as it began to lose form and loosen its grip on the Second Child.

"Help!" Came a tiny voice from the okonomiyaki."I'm melting, I'm melting... Ahhhhhhh......"

Asuka's nightmare finally came to an end as her attacker slid to the floor and was absorbed into the seething pit of biological funk that was Misato's dining room carpet.

Misato came back in from the kitchen carrying a large pot with a ladle in it. Once again she beamed around the room. Her guests tried their best to smile back. So happy was she that the evening was going well that she failed to notice Ritsuko's singed and smouldering eyebrows, Shinji's bloodstained T-shirt, Asuka's beer-drenched hair and clothes and the fact that Rei was sitting watchfully at the table with a kamikaze headband on her head and ceremonial sake by her side.

"So," Misato said cheerfully. "Anyone want a steaming bowlful of Katsuragi's famous 'Secret Ingredient Soup'?"

"Let me guess," Ritsuko said dryly. "There is no Secret Ingredient?"

"I'll never tell, it's an old family secret! Now who wants soup?"

Misato never knew what hit her as an AT field suddenly sent her flying across the room and the soup to join its okonomiyaki brethren soaking into the carpet.

Everyone looked at Rei.

"Don't look at me." She said impassively.

Everyone looked at Misato. NERV's Operations Director had somehow managed to land on a hitherto unseen beanbag and was snoring away, blissfully unaware of her surroundings.

"Let us never speak again of what has happened here." Said Rei.

-----------------------------

"So, did you enjoy yourself last night Ritsuko?"

Startled Ritsuko looked around from her desk."Oh hi Misato! Oh yes, had a great time! We all did!" She smiled nervously."How about you?"

"Yeah, great!" Misato said with a sheepish look."Though I think I need to apologise to you all."

"A... apologise?" Ritsuko said, perplexed.

"Yeah, I didn't realise just how tanked I must have gotten last night. I really can't remember a thing after the entrees were put out. Next thing I knew I was waking up this morning still in my clothes from last night and the worst headache! Did I do anything too embarrassing? Tell me Ritsu, I feel really awful about this."

"No Misato, not at all! You were the perfect hostess in fact. I can't remember when I've had a better time at your place, honestly! And that soup you made! It was to die from... I mean for! Delicious! Everyone said so. Just ask them!"

Misato smiled happily."Thank you Ritsuko, you are a true friend!"

"Please, don't mention it!" Ritsuko said. 'Ever' she thought guiltily to herself.

"Oh no, I must mention it. In fact I must repay you for your kindness! Here!"

Her purple haired friend said producing something out of the plastic bag she was carrying.

Ritsuko looked at the container of thick, yellow-brown liquid the Major was proffering.

"What is it?"

"Ha ha, very funny! It's the soup of course! Everyone must have really loved it 'cause the bowl was completely empty, but I had a little bit left in the pot so I thought that the best way to repay you for your kindness and my own drunkenness would be to give this to you!"

"You shouldn't have, really Misato you shouldn't have! Really, I mean it!"

"Nonsense." Misato replied."Just enjoy the soup with my thanks. With all the take out you eat you could do with some home cooked goodness. I insist!"

Dr Akagi looked queasily at the container. Then an Idea struck her.

"In that case Misato, thank you. I would love to have some more of your delicious soup!"

"That's more like it Ritsuko! Now, I've gotta run!" She said heading for the door."Enjoy!"

"Oh, I will! Thank you very, very much Misato!"

The door shut and once again Dr Akagi was alone in her office. She looked at the container of soup before her and smiled. "I know just the home for you!" She said to the soup and laughed maniacally.

----------

As usual, there would be no witnesses. Security cameras were overridden. Motion sensors and infra-red detectors blacked out. Guards were either bribed or harmlessly chloroformed into submission and hidden in convenient broom cupboards.

Kaji pulled the hood of his jacket back from over his head. Time for some patented Kaji Snoopifying(tm). He swiped the stolen security card through the reader and stepped out of the lift ante chamber and into the rooms beyond.

The best way to describe the first room he found was like a hospital room designed by H.R. Giger. A bloodied mattress, dirtied and dripping pipework and medical paraphernalia hung about the grimy metal walls.

'Strange' Thought Kaji, reading the English word scrawled across the wall in metre high white letters. That certainly fit the mood rather nicely. Kaji took several photographs and moved on. He had never been in this part of the NERV complex before. Indeed the area he was walking through officially didn't exist. And yet from what he could tell from his investigations into the 'Special Projects' department of Project E, whatever was down here consumed over one third of the United Nations total budget allocation for the whole of the NERV organisation worldwide.

Eventually he came to another imposing steel door, swiped his ill gotten card through the reader. This time the reader prompted him for a password. Kaji was ready for this. He typed in the three letters that would take him through to some of NERVs greatest secrets. Y –U-I. The door slid open and Kaji walked through it into a room that would haunt his nightmares from that time on.

It was a simple enough room. Spartan in its accoutrements and furnishings. Just a large glass tube rising to the high ceiling amidst a mass of metal tubes and pipes, brain like in the tangle and pattern they described. Off to the side almost one entire wall of the cavernous room glowed a dull red. Kaji took several photos of the tube and walked across to the glowing wall. As he got closer he could see that it was actually also made of glass. He pressed his face up against it and thought that he could see vague shapes moving in the dull light. There had to be a light switch or something in here, he thought to himself. Before he had a chance to find it, however, he was brought up short by the 'beep' of the security lock of the door to the room being accessed, shortly followed by the sound of the door itself being opened. Quickly Kaji scampered to the only cover that the room afforded, behind the small plinth that supported the tube. From this rather exposed position Kaji could see all that transpired.

Dr Ritsuko Akagi walked through the door. Much to Kaji's relief she was alone. Easing his gun back into its holster he sat back and watched, and waited.

Ritsuko hummed happily to herself as she entered the room. "Good morning children!" She called out, and then giggled to herself. Kaji frowned, who was she talking to?

"Wakey wakey girls! Ritsu-chan has got a little something for you!"

She pressed a switch and Kaji thought he was going to lose his mind, or his breakfast. He wasn't sure which would go first. After last night's debacle at Sub Commander Fuyutsuki's apartment he was still feeling rather delicate.

In the now illuminated tank, or Reiquarium, as fanfic writers greater than I have dubbed it, he finally saw the true nature of the Dummy Plug System. A dozen or more naked Reis floated before the form of Dr Akagi. Each one with soulless vacant eyes and fixed smiles. Even from his vantage point he could hear their hollow laughter. Ritsuko continued talking.

"I've got something new for you today girls!" She said cheerfully."Some yummy homemade soup!" And she held aloft a small container filled with an unidentifiable liquid that reflected the light from the tank dully.

"Now your big Sister Rei-chan can't be here today, "She continued sarcastically." So there's no point wasting such good soup in _her_ tube, so I think that it's only fair that you get to share the goodness this time around!"

The girls in the Reiquarium just stared blankly and giggled as if the unhinged scientist had made an amusing but slightly off-colour remark that they didn't really understand. As for Kaji, he now had his cell phone out and was recording the bizarre spectacle in front of him discreetly from his hiding spot. If for no other reason than he thought no one would believe him if he simply told them what he had seen, so proof was necessary to prevent the people he was working for from simply locking him up in a padded room like they had with Agent Oeda, his predecessor at spying on NERV.

Ritsuko had now taken a ladder from the corner and climbed up the side of the Reiquarium. She opened a flap on the top of the large tank and without any hesitation poured the contents of the container into the tank. She closed the flap and scurried down the ladder before replacing it against the wall. Quickly she tucked the now empty container under her arm, turned off the lights, and with a nervous glance at her surroundings she walked to the door and exited the room.

Stiffly Kaji got himself up from his vantage point and walked back over to the tank. The 'Reis' were no longer visible in the gloom, but the tank itself had changed. Whereas before it had glowed a dull red, now the light emanating from the tank was brighter and growing more and more so each second. The Giggling from before continued unabated, but was growing increasingly more shrill and forced as the brightness grew.

The liquid in the tank was definitely starting to swirl now and occasionally Kaji could catch a glimpse of an arm, leg or torso being carried around in its flow. The laughter sounded more like screaming now and the Kaji's skin was crawling in such a way that he knew it no longer wanted to be here. He couldn't say he blamed it. The brightness, noise and tension in the air built up and up until there was an almighty flash of light and concussion that knocked him off his feet.

Kaji shook his head and tried to accustom his eyes to the sudden darkness. No, there was nothing. No light, no noise, nothing. Just the dull hum of the cooling system and the tiny red glow from the security card reader at the door. The tank was completely dark and silent now. He fumbled in his jacket pocket for his flashlight, clicked it on and made his way to the door.

He wondered to himself if it was too early to take the rest of the day off, go to that little bar downtown and get completely smashed on Tequila shots, before maybe swinging by Katsuragi's place to see how his chances were looking. He swiped his card through the reader and was gone.

So now the tank room was empty. So there was no one to notice the light slowly return to the Reiquarium. Nor to see a pair of piercing red eyes open from within the murk of the tank.

And thankfully, perhaps, there was no one to hear a soul rending scream of terror that filled the darkness of the room. Then, as suddenly as it had come, the scream was cut off.

The next sound was the crash of metal on metal as the flap on the top of the tank was thrown open from the inside.

**End of Chapter One**

I originally meant this to be a bit of an omake for another story that I'm writing, with the characters all acting like fanfic stereotypes of themselves, but it kinda took on a life of its own.

So, what will be the repercussions from Fuyutsuki's 'Porn and Prawn Night'? Can you really kill a feral okonomiyaki with Yebisu? What's up with the Reiquarium? How come Ritsuko didn't notice the missing guards when she came down to the tank room? I there really a Secret Ingredient in Misato's Secret Ingredient Soup?

These and possibly other questions may or may not be answered in the next thrilling instalment of 'Neon Genesis Evangelion-Clone and Clonability'!

I'm writing this at the same time as 'My Iron Lung' but I'm still hoping to keep updating both stories fairly regularly.

Anyways...

Thanks for reading! Please review and etc. I mean it! Pretty Please! Constructive criticism is also always welcome!

Thanks for reading!

Ja matta!

Greenfang.


	2. Chapter 2

Finally, chapter 2 of **Clone and Clonability**. Sorry for the massive delay in updating, was off planet for a while, but back in the saddle so to speak. My first attempt for a looong long time at fic writing, so feeling somewhat rusty!

Disclaimer: Evangelion and its characters are not owned by me. Really! I _do_ own the DVDs of the series _and_ movies _and_ rebuild (just 1.0 so far, hopefully 2.0 coming out as an official, purchasable sub soon, please!) _Of Course _Gainax owns all rights to Evangelion and all power to them I say!

* * *

**Neon Genesis Evangelion-Clone and Clonability**

**Chapter 2**

Misato gazed sadly at the human wreckage strewn about her. It was hard to imagine what could have been capable of unleashing such a scene of complete and total devastation. She looked down pityingly at what she assumed had once been something resembling a living, sentient Human Being. She grabbed it by the shoulder and turned it to face her. Her gasp of shock was when she realised that she recognised, just barely, who this 'thing' once had been.

"Hyuga?" She gasped.

"Uhhnnnngggg...... "Was the only reply, before the 'Thing' that had once been Makoto Hyuga slumped back face down onto his control panel with an eye watering exhalation of alcoholic fumes. _Also_, she thought to herself, _was that a prawn tail in his hair_?

"Ohhhh... my head!" Could be heard coming from another of the beige suited lumps that was draped across a work station on the other side of NERV's Command Bridge. "Keep it down would you? Some of us are trying to die quietly over here!"

"Good Morning Major Katsuragi!" Came the cheery voice of Maya Ibuki. Although her cheeriness was a little muffled as the young bridge tech had her head completely hidden inside the yellow plastic bucket she was currently hunched over.

"Big night at the Sub-Commanders place, Huh?" Misato said with a mischievous grin.

"You _could _say that Major."

Misato spun around to face the origin of the unexpected reply. Just entering the bridge was the stately and dignified form of Sub-Commander Kozou Fuyutsuki himself, former Head Professor of Bio-Genetics at Kyoto University, Second in Command of NERV, purveyor of fine seafood and smut-merchant extraordinaire. As Always his uniform was neatly pressed, shoes polished to a gleaming shine and hair immaculately coiffed to at least three decimal places. The only indication that he may also have had rather a big night was the ice pack held at a jaunty angle on his head by a bandage that looked like it may have started life as a pillowcase.

"Good Morning Sir!" Said Misato, quickly snapping to attention.

"Good Morning Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki!" Came Maya's voice from inside her bucket.

"Will you all just please be quiet!" That was from Aoba over on the left.

"Uhhnnnngggg...... "Added Hyuga cryptically. Unnoticed by him or anyone else a small orange light began flashing insistently on his console.

"Good morning everyone." Replied Fuyutsuki formally."What's our current status Major?"

"Well Sir," Misato replied."All is quiet on the Angels front currently. The JSSDF are currently seeking legal advice as to whether they can force us to give back the positron rifle we 'Borrowed' from them several months ago. Humanity's only hope against complete and utter destruction are giant unstable Bio-Mechanical Robots piloted by much smaller but even more unstable teenagers. Kaji's no longer returning my calls. Our Commander is a complete misanthropic bastard. The cafeteria is only selling 'decaf' and most of the bridge crew seem incapable of forming a coherent sentence let alone a cohesive team in the face of impending destruction on a global scale."

"Very good Major. All is as it should be. At ease."

"Thank you sir."

"So Major, your dinner party must have been a big success. I happened to notice on my way here that the NERV infirmary was strangely quiet this morning."

"Oh, it went really well sir!"Misato replied."I really wowed them with my culinary skills this time! My famous Katsuragi's Secret Ingredient Soup was a particular triumph!"

"Let me guess," Fuyutsuki said dryly. "There is no Secret Ingredient."

"I'll never tell! It's an old family secret!"

"Okay.... "Replied the Sub Commander with a slight frown."I must say that all felt a little contrived"

"Um... I guess so sir."

They looked at each other uncomfortably for several moments. The silence broken only by Maya's violent retching into her yellow plastic bucket.

"So," Misato finally broke the silence."Is the Commander in today?"

"I believe so." Answered Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki. "Although at the moment..."he broke off as another particularly violent bout of retching from Maya interrupted him." Although at the moment I'm not able to get in to see him. The door of his office is locked from the inside and he's not answering his phone either."

"He must have something important on the go then?"

Mysteriously the Sub-Commander smiled sheepishly."I guess so... "Was all that the old Professor said in reply.

* * *

Meanwhile, in Commander Ikari's Massive, but sparsely furnished office...

"I mustn't run away, I mustn't run away, I MUSTN'T RUN AWAY!"

Commander Gendo Ikari, supreme commander of NERV, complete misanthropic bastard and all around hard man of Eva huddled pathetically in the corner, clothes torn and glasses askew, rocking back and forth and muttering the above mantra over and over to himself.

* * *

**Twenty or so minutes later back on the NERV Command Bridge...**

"Well Major," Said Fuyutsuki admiringly."I must admit that I would never have believed it could happen!"

He beamed at the bridge crew who were busy at their stations looking bright eyed and bushy tailed, as his poor old mother would have said, that was before they took her away of course.

"Oh, it was nothing sir." Misato replied modestly."It's an old hangover cure handed down through generations of Katsuragi women, just tomato juice, raw egg and a dash of Worcestershire sauce shaken vigorously, then add three Berocca(tm) tablets and skull it down fast. It purges you of toxins before you can say" Blearrrrrrrghspluck!""

"Indeed. Although I doubt Lieutenant Ibuki's bucket will ever be the same."

Misato felt the less said about that particular unpleasantness the better.

Finally Makoto noticed the flashing orange light on his console.

"Major Katsuragi!"He yelled in the time-honoured fashion."We've got reports of an energy spike in section Terminal Dogma!"

"What did you say?" Misato exclaimed. "Is it an Angel, right here in the Geo-Front?"

"The Magi can't get a fix on it, Pattern Taupe!"

"Taupe?" Misato and Fuyutsuki said together.

"The Magi are definitive on that Sir, M'am."

"What do you intend to do Major? "The old professor asked.

"Hyuga!"

"Yes M'am?"

"Send everything we've got to the lift entrance from Terminal Dogma, tell them to try and hold whatever comes up that way!"

"Yes M'am!"

* * *

**Meanwhile, deep in the bowels (Eeew!) of the Geo-Front**

Rei Ayanami grunted as she fell the three metres to the cold hard floor. She tried to take a deep breath but was overcome by a paroxysm of violent coughing as her system attempted to expel the viscous liquid that filled her lungs and airways.

For several minutes she was incapacitated by the violence of her body's reaction to its new environment.

Finally the coughing fit subsided and Rei lifted her head, the orange LCL dripping off her hair and naked body making her short hair cling to her forehead, she struggled to her feet and took in her surroundings.

There were two more wet thuds as another pair of naked Ayanamis hit the cold floor beside her.

"It is good." The First Rei Ayanami said.

"Yes." The Second Rei Ayanami agreed.

"The time of the Quickening is upon us." The Third Rei Ayanami said solemnly.

The other two Rei Ayanamis just stared at her.

"I apologise." The Third Rei Ayanami said.

There were several more wet thuds as the Reiquarium was rapidly purged of all of its occupants.

In short order there were nine naked, LCL dripping Rei Ayanamis standing in a circle in the depths of the Terminal Dogma.

Somewhere, unobserved by those in Tokyo-3, a fan-boy collapsed with a terminal nosebleed.

"Sisters," The First Rei Ayanami said eventually. "We share the consciousness and memories of the ones that have come before."

"Yes." Eight naked Rei Ayanamis replied as one.

"Yet we are not complete."

"Yes." Eight naked Rei Ayanamis replied as one.

"We must find that with which to make ourselves complete."

"Ikari –kun." Eight naked Rei Ayanamis replied as one. Their red eyes glowed eerily in the gloom of Terminal Dogma as they intoned his name.

"Yes." The first Rei Ayanami responded.

As one they moved out of the exit of the Reiquarium and towards the lift that would take them up and out of Terminal Dogma.

* * *

The situation in the lower levels of Central Dogma had quickly descended into something of a fracas.

Section 2 (Internal Security) had arrived at the lift doors to Terminal Dogma, all Generic black suits and sunglasses, wearing their ubiquitous earpieces and their suit jackets bulging with poorly concealed side-arms.

Then Section 3 (Armed Response) had arrived at the lift doors to Terminal Dogma, all Kevlar vests and biceps bulging while holding completely unconcealed side-arms.

Then section 4 (Biological Containment) had arrived at the lift doors to Terminal Dogma, all Hazmat suits, pocket protectors and generic white lab coats bulging with poorly concealed side-arms.

Finally, Section 5 (Catering) arrived at the lift doors to Terminal Dogma, all tall chefs' toque hats and white double breasted chefs' coats bulging with poorly concealed side-arms, while Section 2 was waiting for the lift, which, it may be noted, was taking an inordinate amount of time to make its way up from Terminal Dogma to their level.

The animosity between the different sections was truly legendary, and things had really degenerated between them since several ugly incidents at the most recent NERV employee function.

The situation, as the various Sections eyed each other off at the Lift doors, was resting on a hair trigger. All it would take was the slightest provocation and it would explode into a vicious blood feud that would turn Brother against Brother, Friend against Friend and Dish-Washer against Lab Tech.

"So," The Section 5 Sous-chef said haughtily in a Ridiculous faux-French accent. (He actually was the son of a Shopping Trolley Mechanic from Yokohama). "Which of you Section 2 _pigs _stuck sheep's testicles onto my Croquenbouche at theNERV Mothers Day Picnic?"

The air in the lift entrance was suddenly filled with the sound of Poorly Concealed Side-arms being pulled out of jackets and cocked as Section 2, 3, 4 and 5 faced off with each other at gun point in the time honoured action-movie fashion.

All was silent for several seconds. The bitter smell of sweat gathering around the temples and in the smalls of backs of the antagonists' and the smell of gunmetal combined in the claustrophobic lift waiting area.

Tumbleweeds rolled slowly past the lift well and between the groups of NERV employees.

Another heartbeat of time passed... Then another....

The silence was broken by the _**ding **_of the lift finally arriving at their level.

The sudden noise acted like a release valve on the pent up tension in the room. Instantly the air was full of flying lead as all of the gathered Section members began firing simultaneously at each other. Vases smashed, paintings fell off walls, objets d'art were pulverised by bullet fire and knives stuck into walls as NERV employees dived for cover in the chaos.

In the midst of all of this carnage nine naked Rei Ayanamis stepped out of the lift and made their way out into Central Dogma. Untouched and unaffected by the carnage around them they continued on into the labyrinth of passageways that made up the lower levels of Central Dogma.

One of the junior Section 2 flunkeys turned to his supervisor as they took shelter behind a fake potted pelargonium.

"Sir, haven't we been ordered to stop anything that comes up from Terminal Dogma?"

"Are you mad Lieutenant? That's _Rei Ayanami_! Commander Ikari would have my balls ripped off by Unit 00, slap me around the face and head with them, and then throw them into the lava pit at Mount Asama if I even looked at her the wrong way! She's completely untouchable!"

"But Sir, there's nine of her! And she's naked!"

"Ah Lieutenant," His superior officer said smiling wistfully as he took down a group of Section 5 Sauciers attempting to rush their position behind an oversized soup tureen. "When you've worked at NERV as long as I have, you get to see your fair share of really weird shit, and almost all of it involving _that _girl. The one thing that you never must never ever do, no matter how freaky things get, is get in the way of the blue haired one."

"Roger that Sir!" The flunkey said with a gulp.

"Right now Lieutenant, let's get those crepe flipping sons of bitches and restore the honour of Section 2!"

* * *

Back at the command centre:

"Hyuga!" Misato yelled. "What the current status?"

"On what?" Makoto answered testily, before receiving the full force of Misato's look of death(tm) "Oh, the emergency? Umm... "He quickly scanned his monitor. "There's been no activity or unusual power spikes since the initial alert Ma'am!"

"Nothing? Are you sure?"

"Yes Ma'am! The Magi have downgraded the alert to Autumn Forest!"

"And what the Hell does _Autumn Forest_ mean?" Misato asked exasperated.

"Ummm... just checking Ma'am!" Hyuga said, quickly leafing through his _'Handy Dandy Guide to the Magi Supercomputers __Pop upbooklet and colour chart'._ "Found it! Autumn Forest.... _'False Alarm, insufficient data'_!"

"I'm gonna have to talk to Ritsuko about the Magi. Those computers are getting a bit buggy." Misato said. "Alright, stand down everyone, call off the emergency codes and get a mop and bucket crew to the main liftwell. Hopefully there's enough catering staff left alive to make us some lunch, I'm starving!"

* * *

"Good Morning Pilot Ayanami!" The automated electronic voice at the gate boomed cheerfully. "Have a nice day!"

The next Rei Ayanami put her face up to the Auxiliary Iris Scanner next to the upper exit to the Geofront.

"Good Morning Pilot Ayanami! Have a nice day!" The electronic voice boomed again.

Followed by another Rei Ayanami putting her face up to the scanner.

"Good Morning Pilot Ayanami! Have a nice day!"

"Good Morning Pilot Ayanami! Have a nice day!"

"Good Morning Pilot Ayanami! Have a nice day!"

"Good Morning Pilot Ayanami! Have a nice day!"

"Good Morning Pilot Ayanami! Have a nice day!"

"Good Morning Pilot Ayanami! Have a nice day!"

"Good Morning Pilot Ayanami! Have a nice day!"

Nine Rei Ayanamis, now clad in Tokyo 3 Middle School uniforms that they had found in the Pilot's locker room, made their way out of the Geofront and blended surprisingly well into the hubbub of another Tokyo 3 weekday.

* * *

The midday bell sounded at Takeshi Kitano Memorial Middle School.

"Ahhh... Lunch!" Toji Suzuhara exclaimed with joy.

Asuka pried her eyes open as the Class Rep called out for the students of 2-A to rise and bow to the Teacher. The Sensei moved with surprising swiftness and grace towards the door and out and on towards the staff room. He was an old geezer with no time to waste. Happy Hour at the Teachers Lounge waited for no man.

The redhead looked on in disgust as Hikari swooped on that dumb jock Suzuhara with a pair of Hello Kitty Bento Boxes clutched to her chest. '_Revolting._ 'She thought to herself. What did Hikari see in that meathead anyway?

Asuka almost could barely be bothered to snarl at Shinji for forgetting, _again_, to pack them both lunches. She nearly let him off the hook, especially after last night's fiasco. He had, after all, been up calling Jesus on the Great Porcelain Telephone all night after ill-advisedly trying a spoonful of Misato's Secret Ingredient Soup that Asuka had dared him to taste. (She was beginning to wonder if there really _was_ a secret ingredient at all.) But she knew if she didn't chew him out for forgetting her lunch he might mistakenly think she was going easy on him, and therefore maybe, just maybe, she actually liked him, and therefore he might just be tempted to do something perverted with her underwear next washday. Asuka was always thinking ahead. It was what a great pilot did to stay on top.

Brushing aside his inevitable apology she made her way towards the school dining hall.

'_Oh well'_ She thought to herself. _'I suppose cafeteria food isn't too bad, I'll grab some lunch here.'_

As she felt was her right, she pushed her way to the front of the queue, treating the complaints of her lesser schoolmates with the contempt they deserved.

"Hmm..." She said looking over the selection at the counter. "Let's see... Fish Sticks... Chicken Sticks... Crab Sticks... Pork Sticks... Soylent Sticks... Turkey Sticks... Tofu Sticks and Jellyfish Sticks? Hey Chef!" She called out to the inexplicably bandaged and bloodied man behind the counter."What gives? Where's the real food? Is there anything available that's not in pre dried, snap frozen then microwave reheated stick form?"

"Nope." Sneered the heavily bandaged son of a shopping trolley mechanic from Yokohama. His pride was still smarting from his sudden demotion from Section 5 Sous Chef to warming tray jockey at some snotty middle school.

"Fine then, I'll have four Soylent Sticks and a Jellyfish Stick."

The chef muttered something surly but unintelligible to himself and banged down the lunch tray in front of Asuka. The redhead picked up her lunch and looked around the Dining Hall to see who was sitting at the tables for her to grace with her presence.

"Hmm..." She said again, looking over the selection of dining company available to her. "Let's see... Losers... Perverts... Weirdos... Wannabes... Putzes... Whoa, way too Ugly... Morons... and Eeew! I guess I'll eat out in the yard."

She went out into the courtyard, found a quiet shady spot and sat down to eat her lunch.

"Sheesh!" She said to herself, munching on her second Soylent Stick."Eating lunch in the schoolyard all alone! What am I Shinji or something? No, wait, even that loser has friends to eat lunch with! Oh my God! I'm turning into Wondergirl!!" Horrified she cast her gaze around the yard to see if anyone remotely worthy was around to be seen with her. "Well speak of the Devil.... "She said as her gaze fell on the hitherto unnoticed other occupant of the courtyard. Perennial Loner and Designated First Child, Rei Ayanami.

Asuka could feel her anger rising and growing like it was the most natural thing in the World. _Wondergirl! _That Blue Haired Freak had caused her nothing but angst since she had arrived in Tokyo 3.

"Hey! Wondergirl!" She called out across the yard.

Rei didn't even look up or acknowledge the German girl's voice.

_Stuck up Bitch! _Asuka thought. _She thinks that she's so untouchable! _

"Hey! Hey First!" She tried again, her voice echoing shrilly in the empty yard. "Hey, whatchya doing over there? Poor little Rei got no friends?"

Still Rei Ayanami gave no indication she had even heard the redheaded girl. Now Asuka was pissed. No one ignored the Great Asuka Langley Soryu without having a mighty ole can o' whupass opened on them and served up piping hot. Asuka got up, spilling greasy Soylent Sticks left and right, and stormed over to where the blue haired girl sat, pensively munching on a lightly steamed Tofu Stick.

She stood over the blue haired girl in a way that she knew would have the most terrifying effect. The early afternoon sun haloed behind her head with her shadow falling across the First Child in the most foreboding way. She had seen enough old war movies to know that pilots were always lived in fear of the 'Hun in the Sun'.

"So, Wondergirl. Eating with all of your friends I see?"

Finally Rei looked up at her, giving the redhead the full impact of the Ayanami regard.

"Pilot Soryu."

_Damn, Asuka_ thought , the anger rising within her demanding to be released, _why can't she just be intimidated and grovel to me like everyone else? She just sits there staring at me with those freaky red eyes!_

"You think you're sooo much better than everyone else, don't you _First_? You may be Commander Ikari's favourite toy, you may even have that moron Shinji fooled, but you don't impress me with that pathetic '_Yes Commander, No Commander.' _And the_ 'I'm just a quiet, obedient, good little doll' _bullshit you pull, you conniving little bitch!"

"I do not understand, Pilot Soryu. I do not attempt to be anything other than I am. Just a quiet, obedient, mysterious and strangely alluring enigma with a penchant for gratuitous nudity. Your animosity towards me serves no useful purpose, other than to throw my quiet, enigmatic mysteriousness into sharp relief."

Asuka mentally took a step back. _Wondergirl just spoke four sentences in a row! _Was all she could think for several seconds. Then the actual content of those sentences hit home.

"SHUT UP YOU FREAK!" Asuka screamed at Rei, starting to foam at the mouth. "You think that you're better than me? You're nothing but a pathetic, lifeless obedient emotionless DOLL! You hear me? I HATE YOU!!! You do nothing, you say nothing, you just stare out the goddamn window all freaking day and yet everyone just falls over themselves to worship at your freaking feet!! WHY!!!! ARRRRGGGH!! Wrasel fitchen est sterben menschloch*!!!" The German girl slipped into total apoplectic incoherence.

Rei's focus shifted from the fury of the Second Child to a point just over Asuka's right shoulder. Asuka finally stopped screaming and just stared at her, chest heaving with each ragged breath as she tried to regain her usually tightly held self control.

"What?" She finally said.

"I'm leaving." Rei said in her usual monotone. Without further explanation or indeed any words at all the First Child got up from the seat she was on and turned and simply walked out of the courtyard leaving Asuka staring blankly at the bench seat that the girl had occupied. No sound filled the air but an alarming grinding of teeth.

Finally the cogs started turning again. "ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!!!!!" Her scream rent the air, making the birds take to the air in fright and almost causing the students in the school cafeteria to care what was happening outside.

She spun around, fingers clawed, eyes burning with a ferocious intensity as they searched for where the First Child had gone to. After several seconds a flash of blue caught her eye disappearing around the far corner of the yard. She took off at a run after it.

Rounding the building she just managed to see the unmistakable back of Rei Ayanami disappearing around the next corner and into the disused derelict area behind the school that was off limits to the students under threat of expulsion.

"Got you now, wonderbitch!" She said out loud. No one would see her finally get justice for the unfair treatment she had received. The favouritism that was shown to Rei at Asuka's expense would be finally rectified. Time to balance the ledger!

Asuka rounded the final corner and nearly ran headlong into the back of her target.

"It's not over yet, _Wondergirl_!" She spat out at the blue haired girl's back.

The girl turned to face her. Asuka stepped back, her rage nearly lost in her astonishment at the flat dead eyes that confronted her. Rei Ayanami's eyes were a piercing crimson. The eyes of this girl were a lifeless, dull red.

"Rei?" Asuka finally rasped out in a hoarse whisper.

Rei Ayanami stared back at her expressionlessly. Finally she spoke.

"The Evil One." The girl said in a voice as dark as the red of her eyes.

Asuka could feel the hairs on the back of her neck begin to stand on end.

"The Evil One." The same voice repeated eightfold behind Asuka.

Now the Second Childs skin began to crawl as if it no longer wished to hang around in this unsavoury location.

She spun around and was face to face with the lifeless red eyes of Rei Ayanami. And Rei Ayanami, and Rei Ayanami, and Rei Ayanami, and Rei Ayanami, and Rei Ayanami, and Rei Ayanami, and Rei Ayanami.

"Wha... wha... What the fu... "Was all Asuka could get out before the nine Rei Ayanamis swamped her in a tide of cerulean hair and flat red eyes. Her scream was stifled before it even got a chance to start as pale hands clamped over her mouth, grabbed her arms and her legs in surprisingly strong and vice like grips and picked her up bodily.

"The Evil One." As one the nine Rei Ayanamis intoned dully.

Asuka Langley Soryu struggled vainly in their grips as she was carried helplessly by the throng of blue haired assailants deeper into the labyrinth of pre impact industrial buildings and rusty machinery that made up this area of Tokyo 3.

**End of chapter 2**

* Incoherent German sounding Gibberish

* * *

A/N: Finally written an update for Clone and Clonability. This marks a bit of a return for me to fic writing. Due to work and study commitments I just didn't have the time or energy to put the effort needed into my fics. Thankfully things have settled down and I'm trying to write most days.

Please review if you read this, as I need to know what really works in this story. It's only got a couple of reviews so far, so I can't tell if it's working or not, but as a story it does have a special place in my heart.

Also if there are any interested pre-readers out there drop me a line at:

.au

As I really feel that I could do with a fresh pair of eyes to look objectively at my writing.

Thanks for reading!

Ja.

Greenfang.


	3. Chapter 3

I know that it's been a long time between updates for this story, but rest assured that I haven't forgotten it!

Neon Genesis Evangelion is not mine. These Characters are not mine, nor is the Evangelion Universe mine. I don't even own this couch!

* * *

**Neon Genesis Evangelion: Clone and Clonability**

**Chapter 3**

It is a mistake to think that you can solve any of life's problems with carrots.

Rei Ayanami tossed the half eaten vegetable into the bin and switched off the bedside lamp. The squalor of her studio apartment once again muted by the enveloping darkness.

No. Carrots definitely weren't the answer to her problem. On reflection she felt it was foolish to think that they would be. Maybe she should ask the Commander for Cable Television instead? The other children at her school seemed to spend inordinate amounts of time and energy on discussing the things they had observed on their home television sets. Almost never did they wish to discuss root vegetables.

So very little of the ordinary interactions of people made sense to her.

She lay back on her bed and contemplated her day. It had started like any other. Waking at the usual time. Showering and preparing for the school day the usual way. Walking to school the usual route. Staring out of the classroom window at her only true friend. Tree.

But then she had felt it. A disturbance in the… She had to _force_ herself to think of the correct terminology. What had the commander called it? _The Hive Mind_. That was it. Whenever she was connected to the Big Tank ™ she could sense the shrill murmurings of her Tank Sisters as they fed on her thoughts and memories. The Commander had referred to it as the mental feedback from the Hive Mind of the Tank Clones.

_Shrill Murmurings? _She thought. _Does that make sense?_ About as much sense as comparing a group of nine naked teenage clones to a colony of insects.

Halfway through the school day she had felt a psychic jolt and despite the obvious lack of giant LCL filled tank in the nearby vicinity, the murmuring had returned to the back of her mind. Before she could concentrate on the meaning of this the Second Child had accosted her and berated her about… Rei actually had no idea what, but her Tofu Sticks suddenly lost their savour and she felt the need to leave the area.

The day had continued in its unusual way. The Second Child had failed to re-appear after the school lunch break had finished. This, naturally, was of little interest to Rei. The deranged actions of the clearly unstable Redhead had long since ceased to intrigue her. It would seem that few other people shared this indifference.

Within an hour of Soryu failing to return Section 2 Agents were crawling all over Takeshi Kitano Memorial Middle School like big, black suited… crawling things. Ayanami and Pilot Ikari had been bundled out of class and escorted separately to their homes.

Now, hours later and in the darkness of the Tokyo 3 night, Rei could almost sense the burly, black suit and earpiece, dark sun-glassed and lizard brained Section 2 operatives still hulking outside her front door. Something almost resembling a frown crossed the young girl's features. Still the shrill chattering that had assaulted her equilibrium all afternoon continued. Growing more intense and strident as the day went on.

Suddenly the chattering reached its crescendo. And stopped.

The First Child's eyes flew open as one thought screamed in her head, blotting out everything else.

_Ikari-kun is in danger._

_

* * *

_

Dr Ritsuko Akagi looked up from the figures on her computer screen in annoyance as her best friend once again barged into her office unannounced. The Major had a lopsided grin on her face and a suspicious plastic bag clutched under her arm.

"Hey Ritsy-poo! Whatchya doin'?"

"Possibly debating the geo-political ramifications of bio-engineering." The Blonde head of Project E said testily. "Among a million other things. You got a take on that?"

"I've got beer. You want some beer?"

Ritsuko put her head in her hands. "What about Asuka going missing? What about the Children?"

"Bah, Asuka's a headstrong girl, you know that she's run off before, right? Usually to the Horaki's house. Give her a day or two to let off some steam at whatever imagined Crime Against Humanity Shinji or I have committed and she'll come back like nothing ever happened! Anyway, Relax!" The Major said irritatingly. "I've brought Yebisu!"

"This is no time for levity, Misato! Or beer actually, for that matter. In case you missed the last meeting, we're in the middle of a war with massive, supernatural harbingers of Global Apocalypse, one of our top pilots is missing, the other two are under lockdown and you're about three Yebisu away from full blown Cirrhosis of the Brain! You try to goddamn relax!"

"Geez Rits' you really need to unplug a little! Section 2 will find Asuka in no time, I'll chew her out for running away, and she'll flip me off, smack Shinji upside the head and storm off to her room in a huff. Everything will be back to normal before you can say 'Juvenile Protection Order'."

"I'd like to believe that Misato, really I would." Ritsuko said taking her glasses of and pinching the bridge of her nose. "There are just so many things to try and control in this job. I just wish, for once, things would just go smoothly, no more tantrums, no more dramas, no more hiding the bodies in shallow unmarked graves. Is that too much to ask?"

"Erm… okay." Misato replied after an awkward pause. "Hey, I know! When's the last time you went out on a date? You know just a few drinks and who knows what else? "Misato grinned at her old friend. "Just forget about all this for a while! What do you say?"

"Nothing to even dignify that suggestion, Misato. Anyway, with whom would you suggest I go out with on this so called Date?"

Misato grinned and Ritsuko suddenly had the same feeling that a fly might have when a spider kindly offered to help it out of the web it seemed to be stuck in.

"Oh, I dunno," The Major said. "Hyuga's kinda cute, _and_ he's always asking me to go out with him, so you know that he's got great taste! Or Aoba? You know he sings and plays the bass in a Placebo tribute band called '_Pure Morning_' on Saturday nights? That's kinda cool!"

"No, that's kind of disturbing, Misato. Anyway, I could break those little boys and have them crying for their Mommy's before the bread rolls were finished. If that's the best you can do then I'll be going back to my synchronisation reports."

"Fine! I don't see available guys queuing up at your office door!" She quailed under the blonde's withering stare." Alright then, how about the internet? You know those dating sites that they've set up these days aren't nearly as shabby and degrading as they used to be! In the post Second Impact World they're _the_ new way for lonely professional people like you to find shallow and unfulfilling relationships without all of that tedious hanging around in bars!"

"I go online sometimes, but everyone's spelling is really bad. It's... depressing."

"Meh… There's no pleasing you! Fine! I'm going home to see if Asuka's turned up yet, and you're going on a date… With… hmm.. Hyuga!" Misato waved away Ritsuko's protests. "It'll be good for you, and him! Not to mention it might get him off my back for a while!"

"Misato!"

"You can thank me later!" The Major said airily. "That what friends are for! I just ask for one thing in return. Don't break him too badly! He's too useful to me as an analyst on the bridge. Toodles!" With that Misato Katsuragi breezed out of the infuriated scientist's office before Ritsuko could object any further, slamming the door behind her.

Ritsuko Akagi's head met her desk in exasperation seconds later.

* * *

Shinji Ikari slept fitfully in his bed. Haunted by dreams of existential public transport.

Across from him on the otherwise empty train a small figure silhouetted in the orange rays of a post Second Impact sunset.

"Who are you?" Shinji said.

"I am I."

"What does that mean?"

"I am the Shinji Ikari in your mind."

"Uh-huh…" Shinji replied noncommittally.

The two stared at each other for several silent minutes. The sound of level crossing bells rose and fell in the background.

Suddenly the small figure stood up and stepped towards Shinji. The train carriage grew silent as all sensation of movement ceased. Shinji could see that the figure was indeed a younger version of himself, dressed in shorts and a blue striped t-shirt.

"What are you doing?" Shinji cried in alarm.

"This is my stop." The younger Shinji Ikari said levelly before pushing the button to open the carriage door and stepping out of the train.

The train ride continued on as Shinji sat in the now empty carriage and contemplated the wisdom of eating generic brand canned cheese before bedtime.

"_Ikari-kun." _ A soft, level voice cut through his somnolent musings.

"Pffft… muh… dmnnint…." Was all the reply he gave.

"Ikari-kun." The voice was more insistent.

"Buh…."

"Ikari-Kun." The voice said again as a hand was gently placed on his shoulder.

"Waaaaaah!" Shinji cried out in shock before the same gentle hand was placed over his mouth.

"Ikari-kun, you must remain quiet." Shinji looked at the shadowy features of the speaker with wide eyes. "Do you agree to do so?"

Shinji nodded silently.

"Very well, then I shall remove my hand from your mouth."

The hand was removed. A pair of red eyes regarded him in the gloom.

"Rei!" Shinji whispered. "What are you doing in my bedroom? Wait… is this the dream where you come in through my window and ask me to show you the meaning of love? No.. that's not it! You aren't wearing blue lederhosen and carrying a bucket of grape jelly…"

"Ikari-kun." Rei's voice, though still inflectionless, did manage to convey a certain amount of impatience.

"Uh… yeah?"

"You must come with us."

"Why, Rei? What's going on? Is it something to do with Asuka… Us? Who's _us_?"

"We are." Said another soft voice from several feet away. Just at that moment the moon peered out from behind the clouds and shone in through Shinji's bedroom window. It shone on the figure of Rei Ayanami, still leaning over him as he lay in his bed. Her eyes seeming to glow red in the moonbeam. It also shone on Rei Ayanami, standing near the closed door to his bedroom, the moonlight casting a menacing shadow on the wall. Then there was Rei Ayanami, and also Rei Ayanami as well, standing together at the foot of his bed.

"Um… Rei?"

"Yes." Four soft voices answered him.

"There seem to be four of you. That seems a bit… unusual, even for you."

The four Rei Ayanamis tilted their heads in unison at his question.

"Oh boy… If one of you tells me that you are the Rei Ayanami that exists in my mind I think I'm gonna scream."

"We are and have always been." The Rei nearest him spoke again. "As long as there has been a Rei Ayanami so have we been. But we are incomplete. We have lacked that which our sister possesses. Until now. Very soon we will have what she also has, and will take our place amongst the Rei Ayanamis. We will become whole at last."

I… I don't understand…"

"You will before long_ Ikari-kun_."

"_Ikari-kun."_ The other three Reis repeated moving in unison towards him.

Shinji screamed and attempted to get out of bed but his cries were once again quickly muffled by the closest Rei Ayanami's hand. This time aided by the rag soaked in chloroform that was firmly clamped over his nose and mouth. Quickly he was subdued and deeply unconscious.

Outside Misato's apartment two Section 2 goons sat on folding chairs. One of them stopped eating his triple bacon cheeseburger for a moment.

"Hey, Hiroshi. You hear something?"

"Just your arteries hardening, idiot."

"Go to hell!"

Neither of them noticed the four stealthy shapes, supporting an inert form on a line between them, silently rappelling down the outer wall of the apartment block.

The Tokyo-3 night dragged on. Little did its inhabitants understand of the horrors that the nights events would soon unleash upon them.

"Onion Ring?"

"Get bent!"

"May I try one?"

"Waaaaaah!" The two Section 2 agents screamed in unison.

"I apologise if I have startled you." Rei Ayanami said.

"No…. no Miss Ayanami. We just weren't expecting you this late. Shouldn't your Section 2 agents be with you?"

"I… I left my dwelling without their knowledge." Rei said taking an onion ring from the agents proffered paper bag. "I wished to check upon Pilot Ikari's wellbeing and I felt that their presence would be an encumbrance." Rei put the onion ring in her mouth. Left it there for a few moments before removing it once more and placing it back in the agent's bag. "It was unpleasant."

"Okay… "The first agent said as his companion looked at his onion ring bag aghast.

* * *

Rei looked around Shinji's darkened bedroom. The Section 2 Goons had let her in without question. Why wouldn't they? She was the First Child after all. She had entered the obviously empty apartment. Her red eyes taking in the open door to the balcony and lack of any signs of life in seconds. She had quickly crossed the living areas and into Shinji's Bedroom, not even bothering to knock before entering the room.

There was no doubt in her mind that Ikari-kun had been taken. The Third Child was a conscientious and fastidious housekeeper. Yet here, his bed remained unmade from when he had last lain in it. Several items from his bedside table were strewn on the floor next to the bed. A small frown creased her brow. The strange events of the last day had to be linked somehow. The disappearance of the Second Child, and now Shinji as well. The strange psychic buzzing that she had been experiencing on and off throughout the afternoon and evening. Something had gone amiss, and she would devote herself to solving this mystery from this moment on.

Something unusual caught her eye on the bedroom floor. A small white cloth lay next to the bed, it's presence strangely at odds with the rest of the room. She picked it up. It was still slightly damp. There was a blue hair, exactly the same shade as her own, lying on it. Rei held the cloth to her nose and sniffed.

'_Hmm… Trichloromethane_.' She thought to herself. '_Commonly known as Chloroform_._ This would explain how they managed to take Ikari-kun without more of a struggle.' _ Rei nodded determinedly to herself before collapsing to the floor, unconscious.

Meanwhile, just outside Misato's apartment.

"Did you hear something?"

"Shut up!"

* * *

**The Next Day:**

"Shit!" Ritsuko swore, slamming the phone back onto its cradle.

"What's wrong?" Misato asked concerned.

"Commander Ikari isn't in his office, and he isn't in the Geofront. Sub Commander Fuyutsuki has no idea where he is _and_ he's not answering his cell phone!"

"Shit!"

"That's what I said."

"There's something seriously weird going on here."

"You think?" Ritsuko said sarcastically. "First Asuka goes missing."

"Check."

"Then Shinji goes missing."

"Check."

"Rei is nowhere to be found."

"Check."

"And now Commander Ikari, at our moment of greatest crisis, disappears off the face of the Earth!"

"Check."

"If an Angel chooses to attack Tokyo-3 at this moment, we are totally boned!"

"Check!"

"Would you stop that Misato? It's really annoying!"

"Sorry!" Misato said sheepishly

"No, I'm sorry Misato. I shouldn't have snapped. It's just I feel so helpless! If only we had some idea where they all were!" A heavy sigh escaped her. "What did the section 2 operatives have to say?"

"Those lizard brained goons? Not one of them saw a thing. Incompetent morons!"

The blonde scientist buried her face in her hands. "I guess if there's one consolation, things can't get any worse."

A moment of silence passed between them before Misato coughed nervously.

Ritsuko lifted her head out of her hands and looked at her friend. "What?" Was all she said.

"Ummmm…. "The Major began. Suddenly she seemed unable to meet her friends eye.

"Misato…" The Blonde scientist's voice was dangerously soft. "Tell me."

"I um… I kinda told Hyuga that you'd have dinner with him tonight."

"MISATO!"

"I already made booking for you at_ Le Pétomane!"_

"Le Pétomane! That's the most expensive, most exclusive restaurant in the Old Hakone area!"

"Yeah, well I pulled a few strings called in a few favours, posed for a few photos for the maitre'd and next thing you know, two reservations, with complementary glass of generic imported sparkling wine are yours! Let the magic begin!"

"Well, just cancel it! If you hadn't noticed we're in the middle of a massive crisis here! All of our pilots are missing. Our_ Supreme Commander_ is missing. We've never been more vulnerable, and you want me to take time off to go on a date with a _junior employee_?"

"Um, yeah."

Ritsuko just looked at her friend stunned.

"Well? What else have you got to do? Without the pilots and commander here, NERV is essentially toothless. Section 2 is combing the country looking for the Pilots. If an Angel Attacks, you might as well have a nice meal! Not to mention Hyuga's rented a tux! You can't welch out now!"

"But, Misato… "

"Did I _mention_ that I posed for photos for the Maitre'd of this place?" Misato said plaintively. "_These_ photos!" Reaching into the pocket of her coat she placed half a dozen glossy photographs on the desk in front of Ritsuko.

She flipped through the photographs quickly, before throwing them back onto the desk as if they had somehow soiled her. "Misato, you did _this_… for _me_?"

The Major and Operations Director of NERV hung her head. "Yep. I just wanted you to have a nice night out. If anything happens you'll be the first to know. After all, NERV employees must wear their pagers at all times! You'll be but a shrill vibrating electronic device away!"

"But… "

"No buts! The booking is for 7pm. Table for two with views over the city!"

"Alright! You win! I'll have a meal, and that's it! I'll be back at NERV by 8!"

"Unless… "

"Unless nothing Misato! I have your promise that I'll be contacted the _second_ any developments happen?"

"You have my word as a friend, Ritsuko!"

"Alright then. What will you be doing while I'm out on the town?"

"Me?" Misato answered, unholstering her Glock and slamming a new magazine into the handle. "I'm going to go find my kids!"

* * *

**A/N:** I've decided to end this chapter there. So that I can fully show the plight of the three Children, and Gendo, without turning out an enormous chapter that becomes too labourious to read. Not to mention that my computer managed to lose a large chuck of this story by crashing just after I wrote it! I was not a happy camper that day!

Rest assured that Asuka, Shinji and Rei will be definitely the main thrust of the next chapter, which is well under way.

Some of you may have noticed my appropriation of some quotes from both Buffy and the late Douglas Adams in this chapter. Let's just say that inspiration is a fickle mistress, and I take it as I find it. I take no credit for any of them.

Ja.

Greenfang.


End file.
